Bored...

Not too much happening today...nice weather today!I love warm and sunny winter days!Looks pretty with all the snow,although the snow is a pain!We've got help from the neighbor to use his tractor to shovel the driveway and pathways to the paddocks... but what really sucks is how the snow is melting and it's beginning to flood the one part of the barn, so we have to sweep out the water.Always one problem after another here!We fix one thing,and right away, something else goes wrong!I guess that's one downfall about a farm.. always something needing to be fixed.

I rode yesterday morning on Cinnamon! =D She was really good!I think she was happy to be rode!I only rode lightly in the indoor arena, as it has gotten a little tricky riding with a baby belly!I wanted to ride again today,I still could =) Id like to spend time with my horses before I move!I wont see them for a little while again, well I should be coming back on the farm for about a week in April.. all by myself!Kinda nervous about that!As I havent been without Mike for more than a day since we've been dating!!I'll be alright,it'll be hard for me at that time to do farm chores,being a lot more pregnant!haha!

I have been enjoying my pregnancy this past month :) Baby is kicking me lots and I cant wait to have it in my arms!About 12 weeks left to go! =O Gosh,time really is flying by!!In only a couple weeks,we'll be back in our hometown!Will be nice to see everyone again :)

Id like to write more,but Ive got to go feed horses and then plan on riding again =)

To sum up my month... =)

It's been a little while since I've wrote here, I've been quite preoccupied!!This past month has been quite a good one I have to say!I felt so stress free and just overall,at ease. =) We have been having the baby and wedding on our minds and moving!!Yup!So we have decided to move back to KW!It was a tough decision, but I know it seems the more practical thing and less stressful for Mike especially... I realized it really wasn't fair to Mike to be living a lifestyle he wasn't enjoying, as he worked hard and it was never enough, for money or for the farm overall... And when the baby comes,it'd just be twice as difficult and stressful for him. Apparently we still have the option to give the farm another try after renovations are finished, but I'm not sure what we will decide at that point, that maybe we realize this is where we truly want to be or KW is just where we belong.. So far, Mike's quite done with the farm stuff now. Understandably. I'm sad to give up the farm, but at the same time, looking forward to go back to my hometown... I miss all my friends and for family of what's left I have...

I will be keeping my horses on the farm, as I won't be riding or able to do much at all with horses right after having the baby.. plus I can't afford to trailer them back to kw,and then pay board.When I can start working again,then it'd be easier to do.

I still can't believe we are going to be having a baby!I'm already 25weeks!Time sure flies!!I'm beginning to get more and more excited and love to look at baby stuff in the stores!We should be having a baby shower, so that should be fun and helpful!I've been feeling the baby kick a lot lately, and can now see little movements on my tummy!It's so weird!ha ha! I love how supportive and helpful Mike is to me and feel very confident he's going to make a really good daddy!I mean, we both have a lot to learn, but I'm sure parenting is a learning process for any parent.. Probably the ones who have been parents for years, are still in a learning process and there's always going to be challenges! All I have to say is that I am looking forward on seeing and holding my baby! =) So curious if it's going to be a girl or a boy!I like how we are leaving it as a surprise!Will make the labour more exciting maybe?

Last week Mike and I visited KW!We stayed for almost the whole week!Just payed one of our boarders to take care of things here on the farm =) Was so nice to see friends and my sisters!We got Tanya a puppy for her birthday!!An early present, as her birthday is on the 24th.. but yeah,I knew how much she wanted a pup, as she misses Suki so much. And I had been through that experience before, and remember how tough that was to go through! So I think she's quite happy with the little one! He's a pure bred shi-tzu, and has very unique colouring. A very smart little one too! She named him Charlie! He's so adorable!

After our nice visit to KW, we brought my friend Kirstie back up here with us! So she stayed at our place for a few days. We had a fun time, mostly played video games and just chilled. For some reason I felt more tired the past few days, plus had a lot of back and leg aches, so I wasn't really able to do too much... I hope she still enjoyed her visit here though. I let her ride the one night, gave her a mini lesson. Ha, I realized how I just go into teaching mode, even if it's my friend, I mean business when I start teaching someone how to ride. =P We played a lot of Call of Duty on the PS3, and WOW, I never knew I was that good at war and shooting games!! I kick Mikes ass at them!NO JOKE!He got really pissed off too, was quite funny!!! =P But yeah, it was good times! Then on Kirstie's last day here, we thought we had some time to ride before her parents came to pick her up.. but they came a bit earlier than they said, so right when we were about to ride, they showed up! So that sucked, she had to get going right away.. But I somehow managed to convince Mike to ride with me instead!!! =D So we rode for a half hour! I rode Cinny and Mike rode Laudie. I did some trotting, but nothing more, as it was kinda slippery footing.

So I guess that sums up my month pretty much!Was a relaxing and fun month, and I soaked up every minute of it!!

Well, I must go get some things done!

Wouldn't Believe What Had To Be Done...

So last night was another exhausting and upsetting one...Mike and I waited for it to be dark and at a time when we knew no one would be coming out to the farm to do what needed to be done..which was removing Gracie from the barn.I had Mike make sure I wouldn't see Gracies face,so he wrapped it up with her blanket..Mike was able to pull her out of the stall and out of the barn, but she was still quite heavy and especially to go through the deep snow in the field would be too much for Mike.So I offered to help pull her... feeling sick to my stomach at even the thought of it.. He tied rope around her legs,and we each pulled, but I was struggling so Mike made me stop and he tried doing it on his own.I told him it's too much for us to do it,and asked him if I should get one of my horses to pull her... he agreed on it finally.I decided to use Cinny instead of Honey, since if Mike could pull her,Cinny should be more than capable, and I knew if Cinny was to spook, I could handle her, as Honey is impossible to manage when she spooks. So I went to grab Cinny, and brought her in the barn, tacked her up as quickly as I could and appologized to her in advance for what I was about to get her to do... I then led her out to the back of the barn outside, where Gracie was. Mike had all the ropes ready to tie to the saddle. Cinny didnt spook from seeing Gracie, and I thought she would be a little nervous.Mike tied up the rope to the saddle, and then I asked Cinny to pull. Since she didn't know what was going on, she freaked out a bit and jumped forward,and then just stood there looking at us like,what the hell is going on!!!!!??? =O When she spooked,the rope slipped off of Gracies legs,so Mike had to re-tie them to her.I was a little nervous to ask Cinny to do it again,as I didnt want her to hurt herself or us.So I asked her nicely,and told her to take it slow...she was a tad stubborn at first,didnt want to move,but then she did as I asked,and pulled without a problem!She didnt even struggle,and we got her to the back of the field into some brush in no time.I was and still am very proud of Cinny,as we really needed that awful task to be done.I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be asking my main ride,Cinny,to be pulling a dead horse.. =/ But,I had no other way.As we dont know anyone around here who would've helped us with that,and well,I didnt want to ask our neighbours who plow our driveway with their tractor,as I wanted to keep this quiet...I dont know what peoples opinions are about burrying/burning a dead animal on your property, than having some slaughter company come and take the body away.I felt this was the best,as I didnt want her being pilled on top of other dead animals,and I couldn't pay for that either.I mean,for any of my other animals,I wouldnt have taken away..
So yeah,Mike and I are very physically exhausted,and sore as hell,as he's been back to work just for a few weeks,and I've been on my own with the farm work...Sucks a lot!But we are just trying to pass time,kinda living these two weeks zonned out..
I just want Mike back home with me,I hate when he's away all day.I mean,I know that's how it is for people these days,everyones gone working all day...but he's an hour away and gone for too many hours and we dont live close to our friends,so it's lonely here..

...Today is so beautiful out!It's about +2 degrees!And sunny!I love winter days like this,where is sunny and warm =) Really makes me want to go riding,but I really don't know if my body could handle it as it's sore and strained enough already...but I may warm up Allie this afternoon,as there's some people coming out to see her at 4:30pm,and may possibly buy her.I'm not selling her for much,as I need to just quick sell her.Too many horses to feed,and I dont need so many horses.I just want Cinny,Laudie and well I want to keep Godiva,but I'm not sure if Mike will let me...only because she needs more training,but the training I've done with her already she's amazing.I've already rode her a few times without issues,and even took her out on a trail.Shes got great ground manners now too and stands in cross ties without freaking out.And will pick up her feet nicely.And I went through quite a bit getting her to be a quiet and calm mare.Plus,she has wonderful movement.But I guess we'll see what happens.I'm more in a rush to sell Allie.As Allie just isn't for me.And her weight has been an issue for a while,but she's been fattening up lately.

Well anyways,I guess I should get some things done...ugh,soo tired though damn it...

My House Looks The Way I Feel!

So you know when you have ''one of those days'',when nothing seems to be going right,and you just feel overwhelmed,exhausted and want to just do nothing but relax and have some down time for yourself?!Well,the past couple days have been 'one of those days' for me,or should I say, 'too many of one of those days'!?...Well,the thing is,when I'm upset,I get into that sort of 'mode' where I just dont care about anything,and become completely lazy and useless!With that,my house becomes a total mess...dishes everywhere,garbage,clothes,food... Then,when I look around me,I get so annoyed and irritated with myself on the fact on how messy my home became within only a couple days,and how I had it so nice and clean before..I hate a messy house,yet I just hate cleaning it up.I dont mind cleaning up a mess,that isn't too big of course..But once that sink is full of dirty dishes,and clutter everywhere,I just don't have the motivation on doing anything about it!...So my plan is to convince Mike to clean it up this round...I did his turn for dishes and cleaning too many this week!But he made it seem as if we were even,since he did most of my barn chores,which wasn't really that much,just water buckets for the horses,which I need his help with...I dont know how I'll survive the next week or two,with him being at work..I have to drag big water buckets to the paddocks for the horses..Yesterday was brutal,I really hurt my back and hips,and was just sore all over.It had been a little while since I had really done anything physically demanding.Normally we put the water buckets in the back of the ATV,but I managed to get the atv stuck in the snow..So I had to carry and drag the water to the horses.Which I still have to do,as there's just too much snow right now for the atv..

Well,I think I will take a nap,and maybe get to some house cleaning... =/

My Baby....second ultra sound

I had my ultra sound done yesterday!Today I'm 19 weeks and 3 days!The baby is approximately 10cm.I have no idea how it's fitting inside me!Seeing it on the screen was very exciting!Was so cute!The little feet!The hands!Just everything about it!We even got a back view of it and its little bum!We could see the heart beating too!It was even opening and closing its mouth and sucking on its fingers!Very special thing to see that.... and apparently we could have found out the gender of it,but we've decided to wait,leave it as a surprise! :)

...Rest In Peace Gracie...

This morning wasnt a good one at all.Our foal,Gracie,wasn't doing too well this week.She couldnt stand up,and was laying down for a couple days.It was normal to see her laying down,as ever since we bought her,she layed down a lot,but would still get up and run around no problem.But this time,that wasn't the case...it came on so suddenly,and I have no idea how it would have happened for her back legs not working.She wasn't out with other horses,and was put in the indoor arena while I mucked stalls.When I would lead her back to her stall,she was walking no problem.She never had a fever,was eating,drinking and going to the bathroom normally...so I gave her a couple days to see...but she still wasn't able to get up.So we got a vet out,and pretty much knowing what the outcome would be...Once I gave permission to put her down,the vet left to his truck to get the things he needed,and let me say my goodbyes..I held Gracie in my arms,and was petting her cute little face,and thought it was so cute how she has a heart marking on her forehead..it broke my heart when I seen her try to get up,but she couldn't..Seemed like she knew,and she wanted to fight it,and she gave it one more try,but just couldnt..The vet came back,and I signed the papers...I didn't want to watch,but at the same time felt that I should be by her side...but I just couldn't bare it...my boarder kindly helped the vet with it...

I feel awful for poor little Gracie..She was such a cutie...

Now,we have to figure out what to do with her..body..it costs way too much for someone to pick her up and take her away.So...we may put her in our far back field,where no one goes,and well..burn her..either way that wouldve been done to where she was sent to...we will do that quietly,when no one is around here..I know I'll bawl when we do it and I see that..Going to be awful..but it must be done =( Gosh,things just keep getting worse here it seems!

I feel so exhausted,and overwhelmed from this all...What sucked more is that Mike had to be at work,so I had to deal with this on my own...I just feel awful having to make the decision on ending a life...

Life just sucks sometimes....

Waking up to a cold winter morning....

I'm awake a little earlier this morning,and just hate having to get up and leave my warm,cozy bed,and then feeling that winter morning coldness, even with the heater turned up.I always wear slippers,to avoid frosting my feet off!As my feet seem to be more cold than usual lately, and well, I hate putting my bare feet on the cold hard floor!I dont know why,but our heater wasnt going last night,so this morning it is extra cold in the house,less than 15 degrees in here!BRRR!!I was literally shivering!My solution,crank the heat all the way up and hope the furnace will get the freakin message!Then, make some Tetley tea with lots of sugar in it!And go on the computer for a bit with Nikki warming up my lap! ^_^ Today I get to go for my second trimester ultra sound!Very exciting!Although,the holding pee part,is such a challenge for me!So I hope I dont do what Ang's blog name is,''Oops!I wet my pants!''. Haha!And I will note,I do remember the last time I wet my pants,and unfortunately,I wasn't no little kid!It was when I went to Canadas Wonderland with Mike!I had to go so bad,and it was night time,the park was soon to close,and I was waiting for Mike to get off a rollercoaster.So I tried to wait it out,but I just couldnt any longer,so I ran around looking for a a bathroom!Running when having to pee,not a good idea!!It took me forever to find one,and well,right when I reached the toilet...I wet my pants! ='( I was freaking out!Like HOW EMBARESSING is that!!!!!??I was 16 at that time!Jeezz..funny how I'm saying it on here,as I never told anyone but Mike what happened,and I didnt tell him it happened until months,many months later... how did I hide it from Mike,plus his brother and cousin who was visiting Canada from Czech?!...Well,I had my bathing suite on me,so I put the bottoms on,took off my pants,and washed them in the sink.Then I used that hand drier thing to try and dry the pants..this took a while yes..and no,it didnt dry enough to be totally unnoticeable..soo,I came up with a plan!I started to splash water all over my jean jacket,and flick water all over my pant legs!...Then,I realized the park was closed,so I went to the park entry and found Mike and the rest of them standing there waiting.Mike was worried about me and wondered what happened to me.I told him that a couple guys who worked at the park started to goof around,and I ended up talking to them and joking around...and they had a bucket of water,since they were doing cleaning stuff,and chased me and dumped it on me,but only some got on me..and I turned around a little to show them,but I tied my jean jacket around my waist to help hide an obvious piss accident!..So they stood there for a second looking at me,almost not believing me,but they fell for it! =D YAY!I was soo releaved!!haha!...Wasnt a comfy drive back home with a wet ass though!..and I've never wanted to go to Canadas Wonderland ever since then,but I dont enjoy rollercoasters or theme parks like that anyways..

Well,I'm really not looking forward for tomorrow,or the next two weeks overall... =[ As Mike will be going back to work, and I will be all alone, and have to do all barn chores without his help.. agh.. But, I have to deal with it I guess..

Awe,I just looked down on my lap,and Nikki is just so adorable!Who is Nikki?Well,if you're my friend or even just accuantance,you'd deffinitely know who Nikki is!She's my little albino shi tzu cross!I LOVE HER!Honestly,I couldnt live without this doggie!Most times when I'm at the computer,blogging,she is on my lap,and if she's not on my lap,shes beside me begging and whining to be on my lap. Heehee!It's all thanks to my good friend Amanda,who gave me Nikki!!!I was in maga depression at that time,and was looking for a small dog,Nikki wasn't really what I had planned,as well,first time I seen her,I did think of her as a strange looking one!But she is my little ewok as we most think of her.hah.I cant go a day without seeing her,and if I do,I cant stop thinking about her and wanting her in my arms..she sleeps in my arm,or right above my head every night.She's always in my lap if I'm sitting down.And she's always beside me when I'm eating dinner or something.And well,even at times,she manages to get into the bathroom with me,and jumps on my lap!haha!Yes,we are strange.But,this dog isnt just a dog to me,she's my baby girl,my best friend.She's the one who eased my pain and had me recover deep depression,she saved my life really...and well,she had a bit of a sad past herself..3 previous homes,the first one abandoned her in a appartment,just left her behind when they moved out.The landlord found her,took her in temporarly,and then since my friend amanda had lived there before,and had a hobby farm,she took Nikki in..But since Amanda had like,a lot of dogs at that time,she wasnt really wanting another!Nikkis first name was Sammie,then Nickles,and then I named her Nikki.She went through that all by being only 6months old or so..her birthday is said to be in October :) But yeah,now you know I love my dog Nikki!One of the best things that had ever happened to me.