Where there's an End there's Always a new Beginning

So things are changing,always changing,and some people can't accept change and others adapt quite well to it... I have gone through many life changes,especially in the past couple years.I found it hard to accept some changes,but soon came to terms with it...had closure,and moved on to other things,rather than just worry on something that has changed and will never be able to be the same again...
Sometimes,the most difficult changes to accept are between family members and friends...
I don't have my parents involved in my life,and a few others on my dad's side of the family...but this isn't by my choice,it's theirs...for reasons I don't understand,and probably never will.
At least I still have my sisters and grandparents,and uncles. I only want people in my life who care and accept my decisions and opinions even if they disagree...
Well, there is about to be another change in my life,not only mine but my husband's as well... his parents just cannot seem to respect our privacy and the fact that they cannot treat us like puppets....his mother is a control freak,and will bitch and whine until she gets her way on things...we love them,but just can't stand some of the things they say to us and the way they treat us.Mike has had enough of it really... so seems our relationship with them has gone downhill..
Yes,they've done a lot to help us out,we realize this and appreciated it... although,this gives them no right to treat us as if they own us..as if we owe our lives to them,and are in their dept. Tell me if Im wrong?.... I mean,we no longer can trust to accept any gifts or generous offers from them,as they then turn it against us somehow.
I think the lesson that Mike and I have learned,and Im sure friends of ours have learned through our experience also,to not ever get involved financially with the inlaws/parents..as it will turn into a disaster!!! So Mike and I are looking forward on moving to an appartment as soon as possible,and moving my horses back to KW,where I can see them as often as I'd like and not have to travel so far..It will be the first time where we are not financially connected to his parents. Renting their house was a mistake,and I knew it was a bad idea from the start...but we did it to be fair to them..they feel we ditched the farm onto them,althought that's not the case at all!!We sat down with them and had a discussion before we even moved off the farm...we told them that we cannot afford to live on the farm anymore,we were struggling so badly,we couldnt even afford to feed ourselves!It was awful,they have no idea how hard of a time we had there...but we tried and gave it our all,but that just wasn't good enough to make it by..so we had all agreed to sell the farm..well they've decided to keep the farm,so thats their choice.
Just hate how they use that farm like a gun to us...They get mad if we dont visit the farm every weekend..well,mike drives and works a lot during the weekdays and last thing he wants to do is do more driving around on the weekend,and we need some time to ourselves,and with our friends..and it is stressful traveling that far distance with Layla..but they do not care about that at all...
Well I must write more later,as Layla needs me and we are going to our friends for a lunch.

Motherhood

So far,I absolutely LOVE being a mom!I love my baby girl Layla!I can't believe it's already been just about a month since she was born...gosh,makes me sad,it's only a month,imagine how fast time will go by and before I know it,she will be a teen..It can be challenging at times being a mom,but I feel I handle it quite well!
Mike is now back to work,so he is gone at least 13 hours a day... =( so we dont have a whole lot of time together, but I have to say, that I dont mind him away as much as I did before we had Layla.. as now,Layla keeps me company and well,keeps me busy! =D Layla has changed my life...in wonderful ways...before I had her,I was affraid that maybe I wouldnt like the big changes there would be when having a baby, but I love the changes, and not too much has changed on our lifestyle.. Layla has made me a healthier and happier person.

Well,the little one needs me right now!I shall write later! :)

My baby girl,Layla has been born! =)

Im a mommy now!!!

We had a baby girl on Sunday,May 23rd,2010 at 2:46pm. It was and is quite the experience!

...I woke up at 5:30am, and realized my water broke! So I nudged Mike and said ''Mike,I think my water broke!'' ... Mike was in shock!He jumped out of bed, saying ''Really!? Are you sure!? We have to go to the hospital!'' ... I then felt affraid, and from Mike panicing, I started to change my mind about the whole thing, not that I had a choice!I didnt want to have it over the long weekend!I had many things I wanted to do =P .. I told Mike to stop it,to just calm down,help keep me calm!!

So within half an hour,we were off to the hospital. My contractions had already started. Time was going by really fast! Mike helped me through each contraction, reminding me how to breath, and I feel I did quite well! I made it to 9cm without any pain killers... I couldnt take it anymore, feeling nauseous and exhausted and the thought of the pain that was about to come when I had to push the baby out!So I decided last minute to have an epidural. It eased me, but since I took it late,it didnt fully take the pain away,but I was able to cope with it,and was happy to not feel sick anymore.

When it was getting closer to the time for me to push,and I was struggling through contractions,Mike was leaning at the side of the bed... his head down... me and the nurses thought he was feeling faint... turns out, he was crying.. such a sensitive sweet hear he can be. :)

Then he was starting to feel dizzy, so I let him take a nap while I was to try and rest for half an hour.. that rest sure helped me gain some energy for what was to come!

...2:00PM... time to push!!And push is what I did!!I did as best I could and Mike was so amazed,he watched the whole thing and was helping me through it all. The nurses and Dr. were very impressed on how well I was doing,especially for it being my first baby.

During my labour,I guessed it was going to be a girl,and Mike was second guessing it being a boy when he started to see the head. =P

Within 46minutes,Layla Viola Novotny was born!!! She was lifted onto my chest right away,I couldnt believe what I was seeing,and have to say,I was delighted to hear it's a girl!!

Layla weighed 6lbs 9oz. She had a full head of blonde hair!!

She does have more my looks,she has my nose,lips,chin,bone structure,legs and feet,and ears. She has Mikes hair colour and his eyes,and long fingers!

We love her so much!She is so beautiful!

The only thing that sucks,is how exhausting it is,dont get much rest at all... Would be nice to have a nights rest,just full night sleep.. but it's worth it. Im just nervous,when Mike goes back to work... more upsets me,because of the long hours he works, Ive always hated that,and it sucks even more now...It is a huge life change.. no longer just Mike and I, we cant just go out on a date or even a bike ride together.. but we will have to find other ways to have quality time together..

I have to try and nap,but it is hard for me to be able to sleep during the day time,and I never liked sleeping during the day.. but I have to try as best I can, otherwise I'll become even more tired.

Layla just loves to be cuddled, she likes baths, and she eats lots!

I reflect a lot on my life, and how much has happened in such a small amount of time!! At 16 years old,I met Mike on March 11th/07,and our first date was March 13th/07 at the movies to see Zodiac,we became inseperable, we considered us official on March 18th 2007,and then I moved in to his place Oct.2nd.08.,and then we went on a trip to Europe,he proposed to me there on July 31st 2008,then we got a horse farm April 15th 2009,I got pregnant,we then moved back to KW for various reasons,then we got married on Friday May 7th 2010, and then had baby Layla on Sunday May 23rd 2010... and here I am now, a wife and a mother. I at times feel a little overwhelmed,on just how fast everything has happened on how fast time really is... I still have many goals to acheive,but want to take my time...

I hope I make a really good mother. I will always be there for my little girl,no matter what!I want her to have the life, the family, that I had wished I had...

It will be amazing to see her grow, and I know I should enjoy these times now when she is just little,because it feels as if it wont be long she'll be off to school and hanging out with friends,starting a life of her own.. gosh,scary thought!

And my dear husband Mike, well, he is being a wonderful daddy. =) He has been very helpful and loving... he just adores me and Layla.

Well, that felt good to just write what was on my mind...

Two BIG life events are happening so soon!!!

Well,Im now 34 weeks pregnant!!Time sure is flying by!Im just taking it easy... Im being patient for the baby to come. As I know it will be tiring and tough with a baby at first, so Im taking advantage of getting sleep and going out with friends and stuff. Things have gotten quite busy for Mike and I! Im really looking forward to the baby shower, although, I dont know when exactly it is, I could take a guess though...

These are my last couple weeks as Laura Hamilton!I will soon be Laura Tiffany Novotny!Yup!We are getting married!We decided to marry sooner than the summer time. I've been wanting to get married ever since we got engaged,which was a couple years ago, but other events and things happening in our lives through that time, just didn't make it a good time to have a wedding. So with me being pregnant now, I prefer to be married before the baby comes!It will only be a small wedding, but wow, even with a small wedding, there is still so much to plan and it's still quite an expense!I couldnt imagine putting together a big wedding!We are having the ceremony at city hall and then a reception dinner at a nice restaurant with close family and the wedding party. We already got our wedding bands!I cant wait to have it on my finger,it's pretty and goes nicely with my engagement ring! =) I already got my dress!The bigger things have been arranged,it's just those small details we have to do,then we should be all set!

It's been just about a month since I've seen my horses... I may be going there this upcoming week, since Mikes parents left to cuba,so we have to take care of things on the farm. Mike said I dont have to go if Id rather stay at home... I havent really made up my mind yet on what Id like to do.. Im leaning more towards going to the farm. As I dont think I will visit there again soon, especially when the due date for baby is even closer and I won't want to go anywhere after having the baby for a good month or two.So I think I should take this chance to spend some time with my horses, although I cant really do much with them being so far in my pregnancy.

Well, so far things are looking good in me and mikes life... but things always change... always going to be ups and downs...

Bored...

Not too much happening today...nice weather today!I love warm and sunny winter days!Looks pretty with all the snow,although the snow is a pain!We've got help from the neighbor to use his tractor to shovel the driveway and pathways to the paddocks... but what really sucks is how the snow is melting and it's beginning to flood the one part of the barn, so we have to sweep out the water.Always one problem after another here!We fix one thing,and right away, something else goes wrong!I guess that's one downfall about a farm.. always something needing to be fixed.

I rode yesterday morning on Cinnamon! =D She was really good!I think she was happy to be rode!I only rode lightly in the indoor arena, as it has gotten a little tricky riding with a baby belly!I wanted to ride again today,I still could =) Id like to spend time with my horses before I move!I wont see them for a little while again, well I should be coming back on the farm for about a week in April.. all by myself!Kinda nervous about that!As I havent been without Mike for more than a day since we've been dating!!I'll be alright,it'll be hard for me at that time to do farm chores,being a lot more pregnant!haha!

I have been enjoying my pregnancy this past month :) Baby is kicking me lots and I cant wait to have it in my arms!About 12 weeks left to go! =O Gosh,time really is flying by!!In only a couple weeks,we'll be back in our hometown!Will be nice to see everyone again :)

Id like to write more,but Ive got to go feed horses and then plan on riding again =)

To sum up my month... =)

It's been a little while since I've wrote here, I've been quite preoccupied!!This past month has been quite a good one I have to say!I felt so stress free and just overall,at ease. =) We have been having the baby and wedding on our minds and moving!!Yup!So we have decided to move back to KW!It was a tough decision, but I know it seems the more practical thing and less stressful for Mike especially... I realized it really wasn't fair to Mike to be living a lifestyle he wasn't enjoying, as he worked hard and it was never enough, for money or for the farm overall... And when the baby comes,it'd just be twice as difficult and stressful for him. Apparently we still have the option to give the farm another try after renovations are finished, but I'm not sure what we will decide at that point, that maybe we realize this is where we truly want to be or KW is just where we belong.. So far, Mike's quite done with the farm stuff now. Understandably. I'm sad to give up the farm, but at the same time, looking forward to go back to my hometown... I miss all my friends and for family of what's left I have...

I will be keeping my horses on the farm, as I won't be riding or able to do much at all with horses right after having the baby.. plus I can't afford to trailer them back to kw,and then pay board.When I can start working again,then it'd be easier to do.

I still can't believe we are going to be having a baby!I'm already 25weeks!Time sure flies!!I'm beginning to get more and more excited and love to look at baby stuff in the stores!We should be having a baby shower, so that should be fun and helpful!I've been feeling the baby kick a lot lately, and can now see little movements on my tummy!It's so weird!ha ha! I love how supportive and helpful Mike is to me and feel very confident he's going to make a really good daddy!I mean, we both have a lot to learn, but I'm sure parenting is a learning process for any parent.. Probably the ones who have been parents for years, are still in a learning process and there's always going to be challenges! All I have to say is that I am looking forward on seeing and holding my baby! =) So curious if it's going to be a girl or a boy!I like how we are leaving it as a surprise!Will make the labour more exciting maybe?

Last week Mike and I visited KW!We stayed for almost the whole week!Just payed one of our boarders to take care of things here on the farm =) Was so nice to see friends and my sisters!We got Tanya a puppy for her birthday!!An early present, as her birthday is on the 24th.. but yeah,I knew how much she wanted a pup, as she misses Suki so much. And I had been through that experience before, and remember how tough that was to go through! So I think she's quite happy with the little one! He's a pure bred shi-tzu, and has very unique colouring. A very smart little one too! She named him Charlie! He's so adorable!

After our nice visit to KW, we brought my friend Kirstie back up here with us! So she stayed at our place for a few days. We had a fun time, mostly played video games and just chilled. For some reason I felt more tired the past few days, plus had a lot of back and leg aches, so I wasn't really able to do too much... I hope she still enjoyed her visit here though. I let her ride the one night, gave her a mini lesson. Ha, I realized how I just go into teaching mode, even if it's my friend, I mean business when I start teaching someone how to ride. =P We played a lot of Call of Duty on the PS3, and WOW, I never knew I was that good at war and shooting games!! I kick Mikes ass at them!NO JOKE!He got really pissed off too, was quite funny!!! =P But yeah, it was good times! Then on Kirstie's last day here, we thought we had some time to ride before her parents came to pick her up.. but they came a bit earlier than they said, so right when we were about to ride, they showed up! So that sucked, she had to get going right away.. But I somehow managed to convince Mike to ride with me instead!!! =D So we rode for a half hour! I rode Cinny and Mike rode Laudie. I did some trotting, but nothing more, as it was kinda slippery footing.

So I guess that sums up my month pretty much!Was a relaxing and fun month, and I soaked up every minute of it!!

Well, I must go get some things done!

Wouldn't Believe What Had To Be Done...

So last night was another exhausting and upsetting one...Mike and I waited for it to be dark and at a time when we knew no one would be coming out to the farm to do what needed to be done..which was removing Gracie from the barn.I had Mike make sure I wouldn't see Gracies face,so he wrapped it up with her blanket..Mike was able to pull her out of the stall and out of the barn, but she was still quite heavy and especially to go through the deep snow in the field would be too much for Mike.So I offered to help pull her... feeling sick to my stomach at even the thought of it.. He tied rope around her legs,and we each pulled, but I was struggling so Mike made me stop and he tried doing it on his own.I told him it's too much for us to do it,and asked him if I should get one of my horses to pull her... he agreed on it finally.I decided to use Cinny instead of Honey, since if Mike could pull her,Cinny should be more than capable, and I knew if Cinny was to spook, I could handle her, as Honey is impossible to manage when she spooks. So I went to grab Cinny, and brought her in the barn, tacked her up as quickly as I could and appologized to her in advance for what I was about to get her to do... I then led her out to the back of the barn outside, where Gracie was. Mike had all the ropes ready to tie to the saddle. Cinny didnt spook from seeing Gracie, and I thought she would be a little nervous.Mike tied up the rope to the saddle, and then I asked Cinny to pull. Since she didn't know what was going on, she freaked out a bit and jumped forward,and then just stood there looking at us like,what the hell is going on!!!!!??? =O When she spooked,the rope slipped off of Gracies legs,so Mike had to re-tie them to her.I was a little nervous to ask Cinny to do it again,as I didnt want her to hurt herself or us.So I asked her nicely,and told her to take it slow...she was a tad stubborn at first,didnt want to move,but then she did as I asked,and pulled without a problem!She didnt even struggle,and we got her to the back of the field into some brush in no time.I was and still am very proud of Cinny,as we really needed that awful task to be done.I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be asking my main ride,Cinny,to be pulling a dead horse.. =/ But,I had no other way.As we dont know anyone around here who would've helped us with that,and well,I didnt want to ask our neighbours who plow our driveway with their tractor,as I wanted to keep this quiet...I dont know what peoples opinions are about burrying/burning a dead animal on your property, than having some slaughter company come and take the body away.I felt this was the best,as I didnt want her being pilled on top of other dead animals,and I couldn't pay for that either.I mean,for any of my other animals,I wouldnt have taken away..
So yeah,Mike and I are very physically exhausted,and sore as hell,as he's been back to work just for a few weeks,and I've been on my own with the farm work...Sucks a lot!But we are just trying to pass time,kinda living these two weeks zonned out..
I just want Mike back home with me,I hate when he's away all day.I mean,I know that's how it is for people these days,everyones gone working all day...but he's an hour away and gone for too many hours and we dont live close to our friends,so it's lonely here..

...Today is so beautiful out!It's about +2 degrees!And sunny!I love winter days like this,where is sunny and warm =) Really makes me want to go riding,but I really don't know if my body could handle it as it's sore and strained enough already...but I may warm up Allie this afternoon,as there's some people coming out to see her at 4:30pm,and may possibly buy her.I'm not selling her for much,as I need to just quick sell her.Too many horses to feed,and I dont need so many horses.I just want Cinny,Laudie and well I want to keep Godiva,but I'm not sure if Mike will let me...only because she needs more training,but the training I've done with her already she's amazing.I've already rode her a few times without issues,and even took her out on a trail.Shes got great ground manners now too and stands in cross ties without freaking out.And will pick up her feet nicely.And I went through quite a bit getting her to be a quiet and calm mare.Plus,she has wonderful movement.But I guess we'll see what happens.I'm more in a rush to sell Allie.As Allie just isn't for me.And her weight has been an issue for a while,but she's been fattening up lately.

Well anyways,I guess I should get some things done...ugh,soo tired though damn it...